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Loneliness
Misconceptions About Loneliness
Loneliness can be made more intense by what you tell yourself it means. College
students are particularly susceptible to the following misconceptions regarding
loneliness:
"Loneliness is a sign of weakness, or immaturity."
"There's something wrong with me if I'm lonely. These should be the best years
of my life." "I'm the only one who feels this way."
If you believe these misconceptions you may believe that loneliness results from
a defect in your personality. Research suggests that college students who think
of loneliness as a defect tend to have the following difficulties:
- greater difficulty in taking social risks, in asserting
themselves, in making phone calls to initiate social
contact, in introducing themselves to others, in
participating in groups, and in enjoying themselves at
parties.
- less skill in self-disclosure, less responsiveness to others,
and a greater tendency to approach social encounters
with
cynicism and mistrust.
- more likelihood of evaluating themselves and others in
negative terms and more tendency to expect others to
reject them.
What To Do About Loneliness
Develop Friendships
There are a number of ways to begin meeting your needs for friendship. Consider
the following:
- Remind yourself that your loneliness will not last forever.
In doing the things you ordinarily do in
the course of your
daily schedule, look for ways to get
involved with people.
For example, you can:
~ eat with others
~ sit with new people in class
~ find a study or exercise partner
- Put yourself in new situations where you will meet
people.
- Engage in activities in which you have genuine interest. In
so doing you will be more likely to meet the kind
of people
you are interested in meeting, people with whom
you have
something in common.
- Make use of campus resources. Find out about
organizations and activities on campus. Examples
are
clubs, churches, part time jobs, and volunteer
work. Ask
for ideas from someone who has been around longer
than
you have.
- Work at developing
your social skills. Practice getting to
know others and letting them know you.
- Don't judge new people on the basis of past relationships.
Instead, try to see each person you meet from a
new
perspective.
- Intimate friendships
usually develop gradually as people
learn to share their inner feelings. Avoid
rushing into
intimate friendships by sharing too quickly or
expecting
that others will. Let the process develop
naturally.
Value all of
your friendships and their unique
characteristics rather than believing that only
a romantic
relationship will relieve your loneliness.
Develop Yourself
Think of yourself as a
total person. Don't neglect other needs just because your companionship or
friendship needs are not being met.
· -
Make sure you follow habits of good nutrition, regular
exercise, and adequate sleep. Don't let academics,
hobbies, and other interests slide.
· -
Use your alone time to get to know yourself. Think of it as
an opportunity to develop independence and to learn to
take care of your own emotional needs. You can grow in
important ways during time alone.
· -
Use your alone time to enjoy yourself rather than just
existing until you will be with others. Avoid merely
vegetating--deal with your situation actively. Recognize
that there are many creative and enjoyable ways to use
your alone time.
· -
Whenever possible, use what you have enjoyed in the
past to help you decide how to enjoy your alone time now.
· -
Keep things in your environment (such as books, puzzles
or music) that you can enjoy in your alone time.
· -
Explore the possibility of doing things alone that you
usually do with other people (like going to the movies).
· -
Don't decide ahead of time how you're going to feel about
an activity. Keep an open mind.
In summary don't define
yourself as a lonely person. No matter how bad you feel, loneliness will
diminish or even disappear when you focus attention and energy on needs you can
currently meet and when you learn to develop new ways to meet your other needs.
Don't
wait for your feelings to get you going--
get going and good feelings will eventually
catch up with you.
Call the UNCA Counseling Center at
251-6517 to make an appointment.
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