Verbal and Emotional Abuse

Definitions of battering and abuse can be confusing.  Although many people define battering as the use of physical violence, most people who have been abused report that psychological  battering is more damaging that physical abuse.

         How many of these things has your partner done to you? 

•        Ignored your feelings.

•        Ridiculed or insulted women or men as a group

•        Ridiculed or insulted your most valued beliefs: your religion, race,  
   heritage or class.

•        Withheld approval, appreciation or affection as a punishment.

•        Continually criticized you, called you names, shouted at you.

•        Humiliated you in private or in public.

•        Refused to socialize with you.

•        Kept you from working, controlled your money, made all the decisions.

•        Refused to share work or money.

•        Taken car keys or money away from you.

•        Regularly threatened to leave you or told you to leave.

•        Abused, tortured or killed pets to hurt or scare you.

•        Harassed you about non-existent affairs.

•        Manipulated you with lies or contradictions.

•        Destroyed furniture, punched holes in walls, broken appliances, 
   destroyed your possessions. 

•        Threatened to have you proved an “unfit mother or father;” told you you  
   would never get custody of the children if you left.

•        Wielded a weapon in a threatening way.

•        Made you feel “crazy,” made you doubt your own perceptions or grasp of
   reality.

•        Kept you feeling continually off-balance, never knowing what to expect.

When is behavior classified as “abusive”?  Ask yourself the following questions: 

•        Has your partner caused you to doubt your judgment or wonder whether
   you’re “crazy”?

•        Are you often afraid of your partner and do you express your opinions 
   less and less frequently?

•        Have you developed fears that prevent you from seeing other people?

•        Do you spend a lot of time watching for your partner’s mood changes and
   adjusting your behavior accordingly?

•        Do you ask your partner’s permission to spend money, take classes, or
   socialize with friends?

•        Do you have fears of doing the wrong thing or getting into trouble?

•        Have you lost confidence in your own abilities, become increasingly
   depressed, feel trapped and powerless?