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Keep expectations
realistic. Remember that no one is perfect. Healthy
relationships mean accepting people the way they are.
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Say what you mean and
mean what you say. You can be gentle with criticism but try
to keep the relationship as honest as you can. Assertiveness
works. Also, don’t threaten things that you won’t follow through
with.
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Be the person you’re
looking for. Act like you would want your friend or partner
to act, e.g., be kind, generous, a good listener (not a fixer).
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Pay attention to your
need to be right. Would you rather be right or happy?
Practice saying “I’m sorry.”
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Fight fair. Pick
a good time to talk. Be open to hearing what the other person
has to say. Bring up one issue at a time. Attack the problem,
not the person.
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Be proactive.
Deal with issues as they come up. Don’t hold onto old
resentments until you blow up. Talk things out when you are both
calm.
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Avoid the Blame Game.
There are at least two sides to every relationship. Don’t blame
the other person for all the problems and don’t give them all
the credit for the success of the relationship. Try to see the
world through the other’s eyes.
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Take care of
yourself. Don’t live your life for the other person. Take
care of your needs so that you will have more to give. Take time
for yourself and your friends, as well as your romantic
relationship. Most important is to be yourself.
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Don’t tolerate abuse.
Pay attention to feelings of fear, anxiety or depression
related to relationships, and find someone to help you determine
if your relationship is abusive.
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Don’t wait until it’s
too late to ask for help. Talking to someone objective can
help you get clear about what you’re getting from a relationship
and what your role is in it. Don’t wait until the relationship
is over to seek help. Ask before the damage is beyond repair.
